Ever wonder what makes a wedding extra special?
A friend or family member officiating a wedding is one way to make the ceremony intimate and about the couple (plus it gives the couple options on where they can get married). As an adventure elopement photographer, I’ve been a marriage officiant, watched friends and family officiate, and seen couples self-solemnize.
Officiating at a wedding can be intimidating if you’ve never done it before. It really comes down to caring about and listening to what the couple wants. So here’s how to ask the right questions so you can plan to officiate a wedding confidently and put the couple at ease.
Who Can Be A Marriage Officiant?
The quick answer is anyone over 18 can be a marriage officiant after completing a quick ordination certificate online.
Typically couples…
- Hire someone/get their elopement photographer to sign (hi, it’s me!)
- Ask a friend or family member
- Or, get married in a state where they don’t need an officiant (in other words, self-solemnization)
More importantly, who should officiate a wedding? That’s up to the couple and how they want their day to look. Some important things to think about when choosing an officiant is:
- Is the person willing to work with the couple to create a day they want?
- Are they personable and calm under pressure?
- Do they notice the details, including schedules, photo ops, and adjusting as needed?
For more information about who can officiate a wedding, please read our blog, How to Get Ordained Online.
Before Agreeing To Be A Marriage Officiant…
Officiating a wedding can be a big or a small ask of a friend or family member, and it really depends on what the couple wants their day to look like. So, before you agree to be an officiant or ask your friend to sign your marriage license, make sure to set expectations.
- What do the duties of a marriage officiant look like?
- Who is coming up with the script? Will the officiant write the entire ceremony, or will the couple contribute to sections?
- Who is paying for what? Think about licensing fees, travel expenses, and officiant outfit.
- What events and photos does the marriage officiant need to be a part of? The officiant might need to be available for rehearsal, photos, or more.
- Who’s in charge of what legal requirements? In some places, officiants must be ordained, and the couple needs to get a license. Figure out the legal requirements for the ceremony location and who is responsible for getting the marriage license, filing it afterward, and ensuring the marriage is legally recognized.
- Who else does the wedding officiant need to coordinate with (wedding photographer, planner, etc.)?
Remember that this wedding might look different from other weddings you’ve attended. Maybe the couple says private vows and has a ceremony after with an officiant. Maybe they want you to take on the emcee role for the reception because they eloped on their own. Maybe they want to fulfill their legal obligations without any of the pomp and circumstance of a typical wedding. That’s why having these conversations is so important!
Planning What To Say When Officiating A Wedding
Creating your script as a marriage officiant begins with understanding the overall plan.
Ceremony Logistics
Find out the guest count, location, and specific logistics for the day. Knowing whether you’ll be officiating on a mountaintop with just the couple or in front of their family and friends is going to change how you officiate.
Wedding Tone
Is the ceremony laid-back or more traditional? Are there any cultural traditions or rituals they want to include? What are typical wedding things they love or hate? What new or novel things do they want to include?
Important People
Make sure you know if there are family members or friends that the couple would like to acknowledge during the ceremony. Also, ask about strained relationships, divorces, drama, or subjects you should know about or avoid.
Titles
Partner, husband, wife, spouse? What last name(s) should be used? You’ll want to know this before planning what to say.
Get To Know The Couple
Then, really get to know the couple so you can genuinely tell their love story. Even if you’re a friend or family member who knows their story well, it’s still important to go over the details with them to make sure everything is just right.
- What was the couple’s first date?
- How would they describe their partner in three words?
- What does marriage mean to them?
- What’s something that most people don’t know about your relationship that they think is important?
Now you’re ready to figure out what to say when officiating a wedding
- Practice, practice, practice
- Plan/outline your script
- Write it down
A Typical Wedding Ceremony Outline
What a couple’s wedding day looks like depends on them. That’s why setting clear expectations early on in planning will help you figure out what to say and put the couple at ease.
Walk down the “aisle”
Every wedding looks different, from the couple walking in at the same time to having the bridal party walk up together. Maybe the couple doesn’t walk down the aisle because you’re out in nature.
Welcome
If it’s a small elopement, this part might not be needed. But a quick “thank you” for being part of a special day is always a nice touch.
Personalize
The marriage officiant might include a personal story or reading. Again, what to say here depends on the information the couple has asked you to share.
Vows
Decide how you’ll transition between each partner’s vows. Plan how to address each of them, and then invite the next partner to begin. Also, check with the couple to see who would like to go first.
Ring exchange
Guide the couple through the rings. Depending on your role during this part of the ceremony, it might be helpful to see the rings before.
Pronouncement
Officially declare the couple married. This is often a legal requirement for a marriage officiant.
First kiss
Invite the couple to share their first kiss as newlyweds. Step aside for the photos!
Congratulate the couple
Wrap up by inviting everyone to join you in celebrating the couple.
What To Do On The Day Of The Wedding As The Marriage Officiant
Arrive early
You’ll want to arrive with plenty of time before the ceremony to get to know the venue, confirm the ceremony details, and coordinate with other vendors. You’ll also want to conduct a final run-through of the ceremony with the couple and any participants. Make sure the marriage license and any other required documents are ready.
Set the tone
Once the ceremony begins, it’s your job to set the tone. Smile, relax, and speak clearly while officiating their wedding. Whether standing on a mountain or in a hotel room, your energy will guide the couple and guests through the ceremony. Keep an eye on the couple and be fully present during the ceremony. Sometimes nerves can take over, so be there to guide them through any shaky moments.
Wrap up the legal stuff
Immediately after the ceremony, ensure the couple and witness sign the marriage certificate. You will likely have to provide information as well. Make sure all the signatures and dates are correct. Depending on the state or county, it might be your responsibility to return the signed marriage license to the appropriate office in the allotted time frame.
Want Me To Walk You Through Being A Marriage Officiant?
Hey, I’m Kelly, an elopement photographer, ordained minister, and adventure buddy. Basically, I’m here to help you create a personalized ceremony and capture every moment you want to keep. From scouting locations to including your important person as an officiant or legally signing the marriage license, let’s capture the epic adventure of your love story. Get more information about my elopement packages here.